Life Update

An honest but not too honest post for you all today. Plus I’ve seen a lot of these sorts of posts floating around in Blogger-verse so I thought I’d chime in with my own. But I’m writing this while still feeling a little raw. So bear with me if I feel the need to grab a few Kleenex’s half way through.

Here goes...
I have so many things floating around in my head right now, I can’t express how I feel or put it down on paper, or in this case, on a blank draft.

I haven’t been feeling myself lately, I’m thinking about my future and what I want from it. There’s things I want but know I can’t have. I’ve been trying to figure out ways to go around that and even make it work, but it’s not to be. I’m also experiencing other problems which I won’t go into because it’s personal and there’s too many people involved.

There have been days when I haven’t been wanting to get out of bed. That’s not like me, at all. My inner self has literally got bags under her eyes from lack of sleep and is fed up of me over thinking the things I’m over thinking about. She’s waving her finger at me and telling me to get my act together. I keep telling her, if only it were that simple.

The final straw came when I had some news the other day and it knocked me for six. It pushed me over the edge. I ran upstairs and cried. Buckets. This definitely isn’t me. This is one thing which was seen as literally my worst nightmare and is now something that I am having to face head on, it was completely unexpected and I haven’t coped well, I’ve been sobbing to my two dearest friends about it, so I kind of owe them a grovelling apology for acting like such an emotional baby/wreck and I will buy them a big Dominoes pizza to make it up to them. I’ve put it in writing so I kind of have to now. Umm...

Now CF has decided to pitch in and give me some problems. Bloody hell! I fight Cystic Fibrosis every day but that doesn’t reduce me to tears like it should do. That’s a part of my life that I can handle and have a grip on. God knows how I do some days!

It's so sad for me to say - but I can’t handle how I feel right now.

I’m hoping there is a brighter day coming. Something I can look forward to and I won’t need to worry about my future so much and get over this news that I have had to face head on.

So as this book says, I'm just going to do me right now.


Post a Comment