Health Anxiety: My Story

*TRIGGER WARNING - ANXIETY/HEALTH ANXIETY

A type of anxiety I'm surprised I haven't come across sooner in my life! But seriously, it's draining. It's tiring. It's overwhelming. It's pressurising. It's sometimes terrifying. Health anxiety is the worst thing I have gone through with my mental health.

My body has become so hypersensitive that any little pain, tingle, sensation, or ache has been an automatic search on Doctor Google. It's scary how Googling symptoms can have that snowball effect to the point you've got the worst-case scenario in terms of a bad health condition. 

My health anxiety has stemmed (I think) from an ear infection I had just over seven months ago. It's incredibly scary how one little infection has set off a catalyst of fear, worrying and panic. My ear infection has completely cleared now - but my anxiety hasn't. 

Anxiety will never leave me now and I've accepted that. It's more of a case of controlling it and knowing what coping mechanisms work best for me. 

Speaking to a psychologist frequently for sessions has been so beneficial for me. I dread to think where I'd be if I didn't do that. What she has made me see is that what I've been going through is not unusual and others have been through it too. She has helped me learn to recognise when my anxiety is coming on, what the warning signs are, what action I need to take and activate my coping mechanisms to help me get through it. I've also learned how to still manage my day-to-day life with anxiety (as long as I feel up to it).

I won't lie guys, the last few months have been pretty shit. There have been some really bad days, really bad. But I can finally see a glimmer of light at the end of the tunnel. 

Learning to not Google every single symptom I endure and encounter has been the biggest hurdle. As our phones provide us to be able to access any information we need at our fingertips, it's been difficult to learn not to use them when my mind is telling me to. It's like I'm seeking comfort and answers, but it's far from comfort and I never really get the answers I need. In fact, Googling makes me feel a whole lot worse after, thinking I'm dying after reading what my symptoms could stem from. 

One thing with health anxiety as there's that fear of going to the doctor in case there is something seriously wrong. But then that fear of not going to the doctor in case there is something wrong and I don't get it sorted. There is that huge conflict in my mind which, as you can imagine, is incredibly draining. 

My psychologist has told me my brain goes into that fight or flight response when my body feels threatened. So any pain or feeling my body experiences, my body goes on red alert and is awaiting the danger which is pretty much not there. The thing with the fight or flight response is that you have no control over it, it's the same for everyone. And because my body tenses up when I'm in this fight or flight response, this causes my body to have additional aches or pains which makes things worse! I'm in a vicious cycle right now.  

I've asked myself this question over recent months on numerous occasions?

Health anxiety, why now?

I've had Cystic Fibrosis since I was a foetus, so why has it decided to impact my life now, 30 years later? 

What I have learned is that I have two areas of my health - Cystic Fibrosis health and normal health. Cystic Fibrosis health is something I handle a lot better than my normal health. With CF, if there's a problem, I know how to fix it -

Chest infection? Get some antibiotics.

Sinus issues? Do some sinus rinses and use my nasal spray.

Stomach issue? Take a small dose of laxatives and hope for the best.

When it comes to normal aspects of my health -

Got a headache? Go into a full-on meltdown and have an anxiety attack. 

I've found it strange that I have defined my health this way. I think because most of my health problems stem from CF anyway so I never truly worried about health problems away from CF. Now that I have fully realised that not all my health problems could stem from CF, that has completely set me on a bad path towards health anxiety.

Health anxiety is a scary thing guys, I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy. 

I know it'll be a long road to get back to my best, but I'm ready for the fight. As I said earlier, I am seeing the light at the end of the tunnel. It's taken a long time for me to get to this position, but I'm finally getting there. Who knows how long it'll take for me to feel normal again, but I remain hopeful.

I'd love to know if any of you have suffered or still suffer from health anxiety? Of course, you do not have to comment about it if you don't feel comfortable doing that. You can always message me privately on my socials if you would like to talk about it there. I know this post may be a trigger for some of you and I apologise.