I Needed To Find My Confidence Again

I've just come back from a(nother) trip to Liverpool and as much as I thoroughly enjoyed meeting friends, strolling around and blowing my wages (oops), I travelled up for a little personal reason of my own - to gain my confidence back.


Near the end of last year, I kind of lost that little bit of 'oomph' , for want of a better word. I feel like my anxiety is creeping back into my life after I firmly slammed the door in it's face in 2016. I made a little pinky promise to myself that for 2019 all that was going to change.

I want to do a mini throwback to the 2nd February, pre Liverpool eve, I encountered something which I haven't had in a very long time - an anxiety episode. The morning started with me getting some news which would affect my plans in Liverpool, so that threw me in a spin, then trying to pack ready for the next day and also getting an upsetting email really wound me up into a state of upset, with some tears and panicky breathing thrown in for good measure. I literally found myself saying - "I don't want to go to Liverpool tomorrow". Also - "I can't do it, what if something bad happens?!" This WAS NOT like me in the slightest. Liverpool is my happy place, why the hell would I not want to go?! Anxiety is a powerful thing, sadly.  


Even before going to bed that night, I still didn't feel confident enough in going. But it's hella amazing how much a good nights sleep can change your frame of mind. The next morning, I felt eager to get my suitcase packed and I couldn't wait to book a taxi to the train station. 

Like I said at the beginning, I needed to go away to get that much needed confidence back that I have kind of lost over the last year or so.


I'm so happy that I fought back against my anxiety and braved the cold weather of the Royal Albert Dock and slogged out in my Premier Inn hotel room.

I never really talk about anxiety, I suffer from it terribly and because CF is the main focus in my life health-wise, anxiety comes a distant second to that. However, after two glasses of Echo Falls rose, I found myself pouring my heart out on my Instagram Stories talking about the day before where I was feeling so frantic and panicky. I'm not saying the alcohol influenced me to do that, but you know,  It felt very cathartic and therapeutic for me to do that, even though I haven't got thousands and upon thousands of Instagram followers.


Oh yes, I did have a lovely two days in Liverpool thank you! A much needed catch up with friends and a lengthy walk around my happy place really has made me feel fabulous and I feel I can conquer the world once again!




I look like I've given myself an emo haircut here

 

Lucy