Why I'm Feeling Overwhelmed By My Future

*Items in this post are PR products. Please see the end of this post for more details. 


People reading this will think that I may feel overwhelmed by my future because of climate change etc, but it's not just because of that. The main reason being is that I now have a future, which I didn't think was possible. 


When I reached adulthood, I kind of knew that my adult years would be quite limited. Obviously, I never knew how many years I'd be limited to, but I had an estimate in mind. You see, Cystic Fibrosis is a life-limiting condition. I never anticipated living through all of my adulthood. I never thought that I'd live to get a pension, a free bus pass or rock around in a mobility scooter. When I was diagnosed, my parents got told that I wouldn't live past 18. I'm 29 this year so I've kind of lived 11 years over my best before date. 

A women with a bunch of Haute Florist flowers


Then, in March 2021, I started taking the revolutionary drug called Kaftrio, a triple combination treatment that helps to tackle the underlying causes of CF. This has honestly changed my life. Physically I have never felt so well. My lungs have responded brilliantly to the treatment. I've had a couple of blips along the way, which isn't a surprise. It's still a new-ish medication after all! 


However, in terms of my mental health, I've struggled


I cannot say for certain that Kaftrio itself has caused a decline in my mental health. It's still up for debate. Before I started Kaftrio, I suffered with my mental health anyway. The thing is, I never thought I had a long term future. Fast forward to today, I now have the prospects of a long term future, and it scares me. As I said, CF is life-limiting so I never planned for a big future because I felt I didn't need to. Because of that, it's hugely impacted me mentally.

A woman with a bunch of Haute Florist flowers

I'm now contemplating a future that I haven't prepared for and it's very overwhelming that I can now think so far ahead. Now the thought that I am really falling behind my family and friends in life has become incredibly real. I know that we all follow our own paths in life, but mine is poles apart from my family and friends, which has also overwhelmed me. 


People may be sitting and reading this, thinking "You should be thankful and grateful that you can now plan for your future!". Don't get me wrong, I am incredibly grateful and lucky that I am in the position to take Kaftrio as I know that there are others with CF who can't due to their gene mutations. DM me and I will explain more if you wish. But it still hasn't stopped me from feeling so overwhelmed about my potential long future. I don’t think anyone or anything could have prepared me with how Kaftrio was going to affect me mentally.

A woman with a bunch of Haute Florist flowers.

Recently, I chatted to the social worker about my worries and thoughts on this subject. I made it clear that my mental health has taken a nosedive lately and I expressed my thoughts. She said this could be because I am overwhelmed by the concept of now having a bright future. Before writing this post, I never thought of it this way. Maybe that's the reason my mental health has taken such a big decline in recent months. 


This is going to take time for me to adjust. I need to take each day as it comes and think about things a little bit at a time. I can't allow myself to completely overwhelm myself with the situation I'm in. Letting myself continue on this spiral of descent is not an option otherwise I'll never climb out of it. It's not an option to stay in this vicious circle forever. 


As I said, I don't want to appear to sound ungrateful for the position I am in now. Kaftrio has completely changed my life. Physically I have never felt so well. I'm getting numbers on my lung function tests that I probably haven't had since I was a foetus. Probably not even then to be honest! 


I think the first six months of being on Kaftrio was kind of like a novelty and more importantly, a joy. I was enjoying the change in my body so much that I never thought of the impact it would have on me mentally. To be honest, I didn’t think it would.


I don't know if other people with CF feel the same as I do about this, some may think I'm being daft, some could relate. If you have CF and you're reading this, I'd love to know your thoughts on my socials or even here! 


*The flowers featured in this post are from Haute Florist. This was not for a blogging collaboration. All views are my own. For more information, please read my disclaimer. Thank you for your support!

A bunch of Haute Florist flowers


58 comments
  1. Thanks for sharing this post sweetie!

    Danielle | thereluctantblogger.co.uk

    ReplyDelete
  2. Thank you for being so open and sharing with your readers. You are so strong. Glad to have connected with you!

    ReplyDelete
  3. I hope you're ok Lucy
    Baby steps and one day at a time for a while is absolutely fine!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you Alice, it's always better to take things one step at a time!

      Delete
  4. Thank you for sharing your story, Lucy! I have not been in your position, but I feel for you. Sending hugs from across the pond! xxx

    ReplyDelete
  5. Anything that alters our perception about how we saw life progressing can be really hard to navigate, especially if it's a pretty big shift like you're currently experiencing. I think the way you explore it here will no doubt help you work through some of those feelings; if you need to, find someone to talk to about it further (professional or otherwise). I wish you all the best as you figure it out. Sending a virtual hug!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I'm fortunate that there's psychologists to speak to at my clinic when I need to, so I know that whenever I'm struggling, I can reach out to them. Thank you Molly!

      Delete
  6. I can’t even begin to imagine what it was like to get your head around not planning to live a long life. But amazing that your lungs seem to be responding to the new drug. That’s amazing! I am overwhelmed about my future and I don’t have CF, so don’t be hard on yourself. Life obviously has some awesome things planned for you. Thank you for sharing such an open and raw post.

    Lauren - bournemouthgirl.com

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yeah it's been incredible Lauren and I love how the drug has changed me physically! Thank you for your kind words lovely x

      Delete
  7. Oh gosh, first of all, you can feel more than one thing at once. So you can feel grateful while also experiencing other feelings. I can imagine it's been a bit of an emotional rollercoaster for you. Medicine is so amazing! How great is it that life expectancy of CF has increased so much in a short amount of time! I'm glad the drug is working well for you!

    Corinne x
    https://skinnedcartree.com

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. It has been a bit of an emotional rollercoaster these last few months Corinne! It's amazing to see how far medicine has advanced over the years! x

      Delete
  8. My cousin has CF and was also told she wouldn't live beyond 18, but she is now in her 30's and is still hopeful she will one day hear of a cure, but for now, she too is living long past her due date x

    ReplyDelete
  9. Wow! What an outpour of emotions. When I first started reading I didn't know this was the path you were going down, but it actually makes so much sense. Obviously I can't relate, but I can totally appreciate how you're feeling. Stay strong girl, you're amazing. X

    ReplyDelete
  10. I totally know what you mean about feeling overwhelmed, but never forget that you've got this my darling!

    ReplyDelete
  11. I mean, generally right now are scary times as they are. Add to the fact that your 'best before' date was what it was - I think you have a lot more to process than you'd ever think! Overwhelmed always (at least in my case) seems to be something so common with the people of our age group... Sending some positive vibes your way x

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. There is definitely a lot going in the world right now and it's incredibly scary at times! x

      Delete
  12. I'm so glad it's working for you, totally normal to feel all the feelings and you have every right to x

    Gemma Louise

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you Gemma, I'm glad that the medicine is working for me too! x

      Delete
  13. Thank you for being so open and sharing! So important to talk and get it out, whether that's verbally to a friend of family member or writing it down x

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Absolutety Lea, it's so important to talk it out, whether that be to family and friends or writing it down x

      Delete
  14. I'm not surprised you're feeling so overwhelmed, that's such a huge adjustment for you to digest! Make sure you're taking it easy and cutting yourself lots of slack lovely,
    Amy x
    callmeamy.co.uk

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. It is a huge adjustment for me Amy, I didn't honestly realise how big of an adjustment it would be!
      Thank you so much lovely x

      Delete
  15. to me, its almost like you think you are undeserving of a bright future because for so long you believed you didn't have one. now, that you do have one, it probably feels too good to be true sometimes. but like all of us, we have no idea what the future holds or how long we have so why not just live it to the fullest while we can. :) i'm sure writing this helps take the fear / overwhelming feeling out of your mind. one step at a time. you've got this!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I never thought of it that way lovely, that's got me thinking! It does seem to good to be true for me and it's like I'm waiting for this bubble to burst. Writing this post has helped me a little to accept things as they are x

      Delete
  16. Wow, you've got such a lot going on right now, Lucy. Make sure you're kind to yourself, you do you and take things at your own pace. You've got this, lovely! x

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you Lisa, I'll definitely be taking things at my own pace x

      Delete
  17. Thank you for sharing this amazing post. You are an amazing strong women.

    ReplyDelete
  18. Thank you for sharing your story Lucy, I'm so happy to hear that you have found a medication that is working so well for you. Thinking about the future can be a really daunting thing, I can't imagine how much harder it would be with a shift in life expectancy. All I can offer for advise is, think of the future as moving towards you. Not you moving towards it. Everything you want and need is on its way to you xx

    Violethollow.com

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. The medication has been life changing for me and I'm so grateful for that! I like that way of thinking about it Violet - thinking of the future moving towards me and not me moving towards it, that's a great mindset for me to try and adopt! xx

      Delete
  19. An interesting post. Thanks for posting. I hope you're okay.?


    Annie,
    Annies Food Diary

    ReplyDelete
  20. Fantastic post Lucy. I think others in your situation will relate and appreciate your honesty. This must be such a difficult thing to deal with mentally, but (as with anything else in life that is overwhelming) I agree with taking things in small steps x

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I hope other CFer's in my situation can relate to this post too! Taking small steps is always better than taking long strides! x

      Delete
  21. Such a deep post Lucy. While I don't have CF, living with anorexia for over 17 years has left me, now in recovery, feeling a bit overwhelmed. I'm scared about my future but also clueless. I didn't honestly expect to make it to 30 years old. But I'll be 30 in 6 months and it blows my mind.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. You're amazing lovely and I can understand why you would feel so overwhelmed, you should be proud of yourself!

      Delete
  22. Its completely understandable that you will feel this way. You had accepted and come to terms with how you life would go but now someone has opened a new door and its a scary thing. The good news is you don't need to pressure yourself into doing anything straight away.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. You've summed it up perfectly Kelly, it's been a real adjustment for me to get my head around!

      Delete
  23. It's so understandable to feel this way, I can't even imagine that feeling and can totally see how it's overwhelming. But we're all on our own timeline and comparison is the biggest thief of joy x

    Sophie
    www.glowsteady.co.uk

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I agree Sophie, comparison is definitely the thief of joy! x

      Delete
  24. Thank you for writing so candidly, it's something I love about your blog. I think a lot of people will relate with feeling behind their friends/family. x

    ReplyDelete
  25. It's great it's working for you Lucy! I don't think the past couple of years have helped generally with the *what should I be doing now* feelings without having this whole different outlook thrown to you. x

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you Victoria! Yeah you're right, too many things going on at once! x

      Delete
  26. I can't begin to imagine how you feel. So many different emotions and thoughts with dealing with not having a future to suddenly being given that chance. I can only imagine that you're battling complete overwhelm but gratitude at the same time. This was really interesting to read, thank you for sharing you story.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yeah it's been very tough at times to get through this period, a lot of tears and talking things through! x

      Delete
  27. Thank you so much for sharing your experience, and being so open with your health issues. It's inspiring. I can understand why you would feel a little uneasy about your future, but from what I've read, I really hope the medication you are on now helps you. I really, really do. Best of luck! ~ Jayne, Our Journey in Chapters

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you Jayne, I really hope the medication keeps working for the long run too!

      Delete
  28. Such an honest and open post. Thank you for being so raw with us. I know we're all feeling overwhelmed right now for a variety of reasons, but adding on the long term impact of living with CF must be such a whirlwind of emotions for you. x

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you lovely, it has definitely been a whirlwind of emotions for me to deal with! x

      Delete
  29. Thank you for writing so organically.Thanks for posting.
    Love: Mariann Yip
    https://www.mariannyc.com/un-hinged-one-month-recap/

    ReplyDelete