Why It's Ok To Not Want Children

Stranger - "So, when are you going to have children then?"

Me - "Umm..."

This is a topic I have never touched on before on my blog - children. This can be a delicate subject for some, especially those who dream of having children of their own. So this post may not be for some women/men. 

I started writing this post quite a while ago, it has been sat in my drafts for weeks. I was so undecided on whether to publish it or not. There was that dread of offending people or people looking at me differently. However, very recently, one of my favourite creators (ok, my favourite) Victoria from InTheFrow discussed the topic of having children on one of her latest vlogs. She spoke so openly and honestly about her thoughts on whether she could see herself having children in the future. Victoria was honest enough to say that she may not see herself being a mum in the future. 

First things first, I love children. My friends have beautiful children, as do my cousins. I like being the cool aunty! I used to work in primary schools for a living and I enjoyed it so much, hearing children's wild stories from home, teaching them new things every day and learning about their favourite things to eat. It made the job a lot easier and more fulfilling. 

So, if that's the case, why don't I want children? Well, there are a few reasons. Some I won't state here. The main reason is that I just don't see myself being a mother to a baby, then child, then a teenager and then finally fully grown adult. I can't even envisage what I would look like pregnant or what I would look like holding a baby in my arms. It's never been one of my life goals or dream to have a baby. 

I know it's some women's dream to become a mother and have children of their own, but this is not a dream of mine. I love watching my friends who are Mum's adore their children, making memories with them and seeing their children look so happy when their Mum or Dad give them a hug and kiss. 

Growing up with CF, I never imagined myself having a proper future. As CF is a progressive illness, I never wanted children as I couldn't face the thought of not being able to see them grow up. But since I started Kaftrio (a life-saving drug), I've been really surprised to realise that my thoughts about having children haven't changed. I don't know why, but I thought I would feel incredibly broody and want to have a baby/babies. 

Then again, I met one of my closest friends baby boy (born during lockdown) for the first time the other day and I got all broody, feeling like I wanted a baby of my own. It's like a spirit level, the bubble swings in both directions. But, eventually, it swings more in the direction of not wanting any children of my own.

The thing is, I could be perceived as being very selfish for wanting to achieve other life goals/dreams before wanting to be a mother. However, I'm very fortunate though that I have a Mum who isn't bothered whether she becomes a grandparent or not, in her own words, she has said "As long as I have you in my life, that's all that matters". To have an understanding Mum like that in my life feels like the pressure is off me and I don't have to have children or rush to have any. I know some women may not be so lucky. Some women may feel the pressure of their parents/grandparents to have children, which is wrong. 

People, strangers, or loved ones, are going to ask you the infamous question - "So, when are you going to have kids" here's the thing guys - this isn't 1950. Meeting someone, getting married, having a house full of children and being a housewife isn't the norm so much in today's society. People need to remember that asking the above question can be quite insensitive, especially if you don't know a woman's particular life/health situation. I know some people mean well and don't mean to be tactless, but it does need to be taken into consideration before asking about when someone is going to start having babies. 

Some will tell me that I'll feel different when I marry the man of my dreams and I'll end up changing my mind. That may be true, but I can't be sure of that until the time comes and the subject of children arises. I wouldn't want to be pressured into having children if my heart isn't in it. 

I hate to think that there is societal pressure for women to have babies. It shouldn't be seen as compulsory for women to have children to make their lives complete. To be honest, I would rather be the best aunty to my friend's kids (I'm an only child) than be a badass mum. 

My aim with this post is to diminish the stigma of others thinking you're odd, strange, weird, inhuman or selfish for making the decision of not wanting children. I do not need a baby to validate my existence. Having children isn't the only thing that is going to make me a successful woman. My career, my kindness, my honesty etc will make me successful - as it will for you.  

The main point of this post is that women should not be made to feel guilty or pressured to have children just because society thinks that you should. It's your life, it's your personal choice. You do not need to live your life pleasing others. We all have different paths that we follow, if children aren't on your path, that's ok. It could mean other greater things are ahead of you. 

I would love to hear your thoughts on this topic. Let me know in the comments below!