Being Disabled In 2020

Approaching 10 Downing Street 
*tap on the door*
Hi Boris, it's me, I'm part of the millions of people who are vulnerable and shielding because of Covid who have been forgotten about by you and your government. Any updates on when we can have a normal life again?


There's only one way I can describe what 2020 has been like as a person with a disability - forgotten about.



Before I really delve into this post, I just want to say that what I'll be writing in this post is from my opinion, but I'm sure that some of you may agree, also, the majority of this post was written before tier 4 rules came into place. 


It feels like centuries ago since the first lockdown in March was announced by the government and we were all told to stay inside. I was at my Grandad's wake when it was announced by Boris that the pubs, bars, restaurants or anywhere where the public can go were going to be shut as of midnight that very night. I went home with my Mam and I knew I would not be venturing outside for a long time. 


What followed was six months of staring at four walls, sterilising every parcel that came to my door, learning Spanish on Duolingo and not baking one single bit of banana bread. 


There were times that I watched those Covid updates on BBC and waiting for Boris to give us vulnerable people, most of the time, a non existent update about how people were shielding would be allowed back into society safely. Sitting in my armchair wondering if this nightmare of 2020 will ever end.


I'm just going to say it, being vulnerable to a virus bloody stinks. Not being able to hug people, being stuck indoors watching the world from the inside, watching and seeing people being completely selfish on social media in terms of having house parties during lockdown, telling people to back off if they come within 2 metres of me and avoiding contact with family and friends altogether to keep myself safe has not been my idea of fun. It's hurting, it really is.


As you can probably tell from reading that last paragraph, my mental health has suffered. I'm anxious a lot more than I used to be, I feel a lot angrier as a person after seeing so many selfish b*****ds do whatever they f*****g please cause they think Covid won't affect them in any way. One aspect of all this is how people have treated the vulnerable and elderly on social media. Writing tweets saying to just lock up the vulnerable and elderly so they can get on with their lives is not sensible - it's just plain idiotic and beyond selfish. It feels like some online have a total disregard for the vulnerable, it feels like we're being ostracised for being disabled and vulnerable to a virus which could make us seriously ill. People do realise that the vulnerable have lives to lead? We don't want to be locked away forever. We don't want to be watching the world from the inside. 


I also feel that I've become a bit of a hypochondriac. Any little change in my body or how I feel within myself physically, I'm going into a blind panic thinking that I'm getting the virus, when it's just simply a bit of cramp or hayfever. 


My physical health has taken a bit of a battering also. My lung function has dropped a little and I'm struggling to regain that 10% back. Being stuck indoors felt ok in March, it's now December and those who are shielding should not have to carry on like this. Mentally, it's cruel. Physically, it's extremely unhealthy. 



When news of the vaccine came filtering through, it felt like there was a glimmer of light at the end of a very dark tunnel. Some celebrated, some were critical, some were sceptical, some said it was really going to be a tracker device imposed by the government (ignore those a***holes.) A vaccine will give me the chance to live some sort of normal life again. To get out from the house, enjoy being outside again, meet family and friends away from my front door, a chance to just have my life back. 


I'm asking those who are flouting the rules every five minutes to please take a moment and think of those who are desperate to be doing the things that you believe is ok to do. There are some, including your grandparents, who've been stuck indoors for so many weeks and months and we're hoping to get our lives back, it's you that's stopping us because you can't be f*cked to follow the rules. 


Honestly, people have spent less time in prison as I've done this year in my house. I love my home, but there's only so much you can bake, watch and say to a cat. 


I, and so many others, don't want to be forgotten about anymore. 
54 comments
  1. While there are many concerns about the vaccine that I can understand (being worried about side effects or allergic reactions, for example), I can't wrap my head around the tracking theory. Do you carry a smartphone? If so, they're already tracking everything you do... they don't need to inject a tracking chip into you in order to do that lol

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    1. People who are saying that there's a tracking device in the vaccine are idiots they really are!

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  2. It does seem the vulnerable have been forgotten about with all the rules. Telling ppl to stay locked up isn't really a viable long-term solution! I hope, for your sanity and health, that 2021 brings better news 💜

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    1. Yes it does Fiona, I wish that wouldn't be pushed aside all the time! You're right lovely, telling us to stay locked up for long periods is physically and mentally damaging to our health, I hope 2021 is much better for you too lovely!

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  3. Oh love! I feel like I really felt all of what you're saying in this post. I really do feel for you & am 100% with you on the idiots flouncing the rules. I overheard someone questioning whether they had to wear a mask inside Asda earlier on today & it's absolutely ridiculous, like where have you been for the last nine months? People can be so selfish. I really hope 2021 is going to give us some kind of turning point with everything that's going on. Sending you lots of love!

    Claire.X
    www.clairemac.co.uk

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    1. Thank you Claire, the fact that that person in Asda questioned about whether to wear a mask just says it all about the selfishness of people this year! x

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  4. I'm definitely more of a hypochondriac than I ever used to be. It honestly makes me laugh when people are talking about tracking devices/ Bill Gates trying to turn us all into robots. You're tweeting from a smartphone? Or a computer connected to the internet??? Are you okay?? When does the calculator predict your vaccine will be? My grandparents are due late January time which I'm very excited about x

    Sophie
    www.glowsteady.co.uk

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    1. Oh I know Sophie, it's quite laughable that some people think that the government want to watch their every move and have decided to put a tracker in the vaccine! The calculator predicted I would get mine at the end of January to the end of February as I'm in the clinically extremely vulnerable category, which means I'm fourth in the list! x

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  5. Thank you for sharing your story. It is a shame that the vulnerable portion of the population has been forgotten. I know a lot of people who have had their mental and physical health decline during all these lockdowns. I also wish people would take this seriously, I get it, no one wants to be stuck in their homes all of the time but that doesn't mean they should go against every rule because they think they are invincible. I am cautiously optimistic about the vaccine as it will help people get out of their homes more but I do wonder what about any side effects that may come from it.

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    1. It's awful that people feel that their mental and physical health has declined during these difficult months. I agree lovely, I do wish people would take this more seriously and just follow the rules, we'd be out of all this a lot sooner then! I can completely understand why you are cautious about the vaccine, the side effects is a little worry for me too!

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  6. Christ definitely relating to this massively right now. I feel the exact same, I'm tired of seeing all the tweets and comments on local facebook groups about locking us all up cause their mental health will suffer - but what about ours? We didn't choose to be vulnerable, before the virus most of us where living perfectly normal lives and yeah the first month or two was fun and felt you could relax but now it's so draining. I'll be honest, for the past five months at least i've been living in purely baggy jumpers and pj bottoms. It's just so tiring, I want to see my friends and family and although the vaccine has given me some hope, I just feel sad and scared as I know of so many people refusing to take it. All I want right now is to see my best friends who only live down the street but I've not been able to see at all. Sorry for my ramble but thank you for sharing and opening up too - it's nice to know that I'm not alone feeling like this.

    Hannah | acupofwonderland.com

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    1. Exactly Hannah, they don't give two hoots about our mental health, that's what I hate about some people right now - how incredibly selfish they are! I agree lovely, we didn't choose to be disabled and vulnerable to this virus, I'd rather be healthy! I can totally relate to the wearing of baggy jumpers, but I have tried to dress up a little more now, even though I'm in the house and it does make me feel tonnes better! There are so many people who are reluctant to have the vaccine, I wish the people who made it would reassure others about how safe it really is! Don't apologise for rambling lovely, you ramble all you want! I'm here if you need a chat about anything lovely, my DM's are always open! x

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  7. Thank you for sharing your thoughts on this last few months, it has been tough for everybody to cope with all the changes with everything going to pot, even though for me I was placed in the middle vunerable catergory of risk, I still have had really bad aniexty that I have the virus when I have a stuffy nose or wake up from having a bad dream. I do hope that my aniexty does decreae next year when I can have the vaccination to be safe

    Nic | Nic's Adventures & Bakes

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    1. I'm sorry to hear that you have had bad anxiety during the year Nic, the virus has completely changed us in terms of our wellbeing and mental health status, it's really frustrating and sad. I really hope your anxiety eases and you get the vaccine really soon lovely

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  8. I'm so sorry how it has all affected you and I completely agree that vulnerable people were forgotten about when the rules were stated and they haven't even considered your mental wellbeing. I'm always here if you need to talk and I hope 2021 will be a brighter year xx

    http://www.dellalovesnutella.co.uk/

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    1. I know lovely, they really haven't considered anybody's mental health in all of this at all, it makes me so mad! Thank you so much Della and I hope you have a brighter 2021 too! xx

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  9. I am so sorry that you are going through this. I cannot imagine how it must be like. I am still working everyday so I can't imagine being cooped up in my house for that long with no end in sight. I am hoping that 2021 will be a much better year for us all and hopefully things will go back to somewhat normal then! Stay strong girl!

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    1. It's been a difficult year Charity (for all of us) but I'm hoping we can all have a brighter 2021!

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  10. I am so sorry Lucy. I remember being so excited for you when you were able to get back to some kind of normal.

    This latest lockdown is cruel and harder than any of us could imagine. My heart goes out to you. This is beautifully written and very honest.

    Sending love x

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    1. Yeah it feels so tough this time round Claire, with it being Christmas and all, we were all hoping to spend time with our families and we couldn't do much of that x

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  11. I feel for all the vulnerable people at this time - staying locked up just isn't the answer :( I hope things start to get better x

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    1. It really isn't Ellie, we don't want to be locked away forever! x

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  12. I completely agree with you lovely. I am classed as clinically vulnerable with severe asthma and history of pneumonia, I am now also pregnant. In the first lockdown myself and my partner were told to stay off work for my health but now with these subsequent lockdowns I am being forced back into work. I know its hard to be in lockdown; I was in lockdown and didn't leave my home from March until August, and that was also with a wild toddler to entertain 24/7 on my own. But now I am expected to go into work or don't get paid and its way worse :( my workplace are not giving me the means to work from home. I only leave my house to go to work and it feels so unsafe. My anxiety goes insane every sniffle I get and I'm constantly worried for my own health, my 2 year olds and my unborn baby in my tummy. I hate all this and hate the way the government has handled it. Being vulnerable isn't our fault; the UK should pull together and go into full lockdown so we ALL can go out and enjoy life agin. Sorry for the rant! xxx

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    1. That is so wrong of your workplace to make you come back to work, furlough is available to April and they can still apply for that for you, even if they didn't want to do that, they should try their best to get your WFH. Anxiety is something that has come back into my life during 2020, I just want to feel safe again! Don't apologise for ranting lovely, you rant all you want! xxx

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  13. This is such an honest and heart felt post. I hope some of those who haven't cared about sticking to the rules read this because it will show how difficult it has been for the vulnerable and elderly people. My nan is on the vulnerable category and she too has felt like she has been forgotten.

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    1. It's honestly shocking how much people have been selfish during this year, people don't care about anything else but themselves! I hope you're Nan is doing ok, it's awful to think that she feels the same way x

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  14. As someone with a long term condition I am extremely wary of the vaccine, as I would have like to seen what some of the long term effects are if there are any!

    People flouting the rules do my nut in, I've not seen my family all year and I would love to break the rules and do so but also it's for the greater good to not? Thanks for sharing Lucy!

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    1. I know what you mean lovely, the side effects are something that need to be considered before having the vaccine as we don't really know what they are!
      I hope you get to visit your family soon lovely, it's awful that some people haven't seen their family at all this year!

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  15. Thank you for sharing your story. This year has been so challenging in so many different ways and I really hope there is light at the end of the tunnel soon!

    Tash - A Girl with a View

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    1. It really has been challenging Tash, hopefully we can all have a better 2021!

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  16. I can't even imagine how horrible it must be to have to shield, especially when there are so many people ignoring the rules and hosting/attending parties! The ignorance of some people during these times is just ridiculous! Thanks for sharing your story Lucy x

    https://www.femaleoriginal.com

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    1. Absolutely Faye, the ignorance and selfishness of some people defies belief! x

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  17. I'm so sorry to hear your mental health has suffered. I can't imagine how you feel. But if it helps, you're definitely not alone. I help to run a charity that makes clothes for disabled people, so I speak to a variety of people with a range of disabilities every day, and many of them have echoed exactly what you have said. Especially with feeling locked away and hypochondria. It's heart-breaking to hear, no one should feel forgotten in such an unpredictable time. I hope you regain that 10% back, and have a much better 2021!

    Anika | chaptersofmay.com

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    1. It is a comfort to know that I'm not alone in feeling this way Anika, it's sad to think though that there are other disabled people who agree with me, it shouldn't have to be that way. You're right lovely, no one should feel forgotten about during this uncertain period! I hope you have a good 2021 too!

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  18. What a beautiful and vulnerable piece you've shared with us. My heart aches for you and those in similar situations. I wish I could say just stay positive! But I know it's easier said than done. Sending lots of love this new year xx

    https://honeycombee.com/

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    1. Thank you sweetheart, I'm trying to remain positive as there's no point being miserable all of the time! I hope you have a great 2021 lovely xx

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  19. I agree with your words 100%. I've lost friends for saying that to their faces. When people start excusing themselves for the parties (clubs and restaurants are opened in my city, even though there are no more hospital beds), phrases like "It is not possible/healthy to stay at home" really hurt deeply. So I (and thousands of others) are idiots for staying at home? Am I a loser because I worry about my parents and front line workers? Yes, my mental health has been better before the lockdown, but I lose it the most when people behave like this, when they don't care about those who suffer, about the neighbor or family member. When they travel or don't wear facemasks. I got no words for the jerks who don't report their symptoms and meet other people. Many loved ones are or have been sick and I can't shake the feeling that it is someone's fault. I hope you will be able to leave your lockdown soon, to enjoy and build a life once again, you totally deserve it.

    Lindifique

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    1. It's so hard to get across to some people the seriousness of this virus and how important and selfless it is for those people to stay at home to protects others, even their loved ones. I hate the ones who don't care about how their actions could effect others, it shows they have no respect for other people, even their loved ones. I hope all this will be over soon and that we can have some sort of normality back in our lives, we're all desperate for that to happen!

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  20. This year can totally get in the bin!
    I admire you so much Lucy, I hope you get the vaccine soon

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    1. It really can Alice! Thank you lovely, I hope so too x

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  21. It really has been a crap year. I definitely feel angry as well with the rules that just don't make sense and the people just breaking them and thinking they can do whatever they want to do. I hope things do get better and safe soon so we can all get out of the house! It really does seem like lots of people have been forgotten about and left in the dark :( xx

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    1. Yeah it really has Chloe, the worst! I wish people would realise that if they follow rules, then we would be out of this whole mess sooner rather than later! xx

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  22. Thank you for sharing your experience. This year has truly been terrible for everyone and my expedite was a little different to yours it was also pretty crap! I cannot wait for the day when they say the pandemic is over! X

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    1. It's been a truly awful year Aaliyah, hopefully 2021 will be lot a brighter for us all! x

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  23. Thank you for sharing your experience, I really hope things are different in 2021 and we get that vaccine out. I still can't wrap my head around the tracking device thing? Surely the Government have better things to do than watch every Tom, Dick and Harry wander around Tesco xx

    Hannah | https://luxuryblush.co.uk/

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    1. I hope things are different this year too Hannah! Hopefully the vaccine can be rolled out quick and things can get back to some sort of normal! People saying that the vaccine contains a tracker are idiots, like you said, the government don't give two hoots about our wanderings! xx

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  24. I'm so sorry to hear your mental health has taken a downturn as a result of this Lucy. It's shocking how much the government haven't acknowledged the most vulnerable and are just expecting them to shield indefinitely. It's cruel and it's understandably going to cause an influx in mental health difficulties among other things. I know we're a long way off but I hope that now they're rolling out the vaccine things will start to get better. I'm also getting so sick of the people who think the rules don't apply to them - I've seen so many people breaking the rules and some are even stupid enough to advertise it on Facebook 🤦🏻‍♀️ Take care of yourself and here's hoping we can get some normality back in the next couple of months!

    Amy | sassycatlady.com

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    1. It's awful Amy, the government do not care about the vulnerable and would rather just see us locked indoors indefinitely. I hope those who are elderly and vulnerable get the vaccine very soon!

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  25. Oh man, I can completely relate with this post. Mentally & physically, it's been rough! I'm with you, girl.

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    1. It has been a rough time Amanda, I hope you're doing ok!

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  26. I'm so sorry to read this, Lucy. It makes me realise how very good we've had it over the last year (we have a garden). Fingers crossed the vaccines will help things begin to get back to normal soon. And that everyone flouting the rules just STOPS. xx

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    1. I hope the vaccine becomes available to me soon, but not just me, for all of us! People flouting the rules just gets on my nerves! xx

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  27. 2020 was a crap year, all around, wasn't it!? I'm feeling much more positive now that we're firmly in 2021, life just seems to be trucking along a bit easier, doesn't it?

    Rosie

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    1. It really was a god damn awful year! I just hope the rest of 2021 is a lot more positive!

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