I Need Space

Yes, I've been on a bit of a downer lately. There's so many different factors that are causing this low-spirited mood at the moment, it makes me feel emotionally drained just thinking about it. I can't even talk to anyone about it right now. But I know, in time, in my own Lucy way, I'll sort myself out and I'll get back to my sassy, fiery, fighting self.

But sometimes in life, when you're in this kind of mood, you just need space. It's not like you're being rude or anything, it's just that you need that bit of time away from people and you just need to focus on yourself. That's what I'm trying to do at the moment, I am being kind of anti-social with people right now so if you're close to me and you're reading this right now, just bear with me for a while, just until I get past this down-trodden phase.

One thing that does me the world of good is being on my own in the house. I feel I can get things done around the house and run those every day errands that need to be done. I can get the housework done, some blogging stuff done and even have a sort out of a room in the house that has turned into a pig sty without me realising it. But just because I like to be on my own, it doesn't mean I feel or am lonely. That's completely far from it. In a way, spending time with yourself gives you chance to think things through and confront the problems and worries that have been eating you up over a period of time.

It's not that I don't want to spend time with my wonderful family and friends, I just need space to think. I can't do that with people around me. I'm more than happy to help out anyone in my support network with anything and everything, but I know that sometimes they need their space too, just like me.

With me, mental health is always a worry, especially with having CF, I don't know what mood I'm going to wake up in, the medications give me and other CFer's so many hormonal side effects, I could wake up in an absolutely fan-dabby-dozy mood, feeling like I can conquer the world or wake up in an absolutely shit mood and not want to do anything. Those sort of days are the worst.

One place I wish I could be right now is my happy place - Liverpool. I feel like my worries and problems seem to temporarily disappear when I'm walking through the streets of Scouse land. I never feel held down by my worries and problems, I feel free and relaxed. I know that I would have to face these problems when I get back home, but it feels like a release to go to a place where I feel like I can divert myself away from life's everyday troubles.  

I've got to the point where I need to re-evaluate my life and where I'm going with it. Once I feel ready to, I'll talk. But for now, I'm going to be a quiet mouse and handle things my own way.

So in the meantime, I'll be drinking plenty of green tea out of this 'Every Day is a Chance to Smile' mug which my best friend Carla bought me for my birthday and ponder about booking a train ticket to Liverpool whilst trying to resolve my issues.

Lucy xx

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