Father's Day

Father’s Day is here, a day where people celebrate their loving Dad’s and buy them one of the hundreds of Father’s Day cards that adorn the shelves in many card shops across the UK. You know when Father’s Day is around the corner when you see the Father’s Day section in the supermarket selling ‘Best Dad’ mugs or hundreds of Lynx sets.
I wanted to write a quick post about the people who won’t be rushing to buy a Father’s Day card this year, or who haven’t bought one for years or never before. I’m one of those people who won’t be spending my money on Daddy gifts. I haven’t for the last 9 years.

Yes I have a Dad, who I haven’t spoken to in many years. He was in my life for the first 15 years, but then my Mam and Dad got divorced, he moved out cause it was causing a huge strain on me and more importantly, my health. I even remember the date he left – July 9th 2008. That date has stuck in my mind for 9 years – the last time I saw my father. He hasn’t bothered to get in contact and vice versa, I hate him too much and can’t forgive him for all the awful things he did to me and more importantly, to my Mam.

I know a lot of people who are close to me may not like me for saying this, but he did give me some lovely childhood memories which I will always remember, from my holidays to Disney World in Florida to taking me swimming nearly every week to help get my lungs into shape.

The problem is, all the horrible bastard-y things he did during my parents separation/divorce overrules the good times he gave me, the love I had for him as a Dad is completely overridden by the hate I feel for him now, which is sad, but that’s’ the way I feel. It got to the point that any photo I had of him in my house, it was ripped up, or half of the photo was torn in half. I was so determined to erase anything that remotely related to him, from ripping up photos with him in it to getting rid of mugs he drank out of.

But I’ve done perfectly well without him for all these years, my health has never been better, I got the most amazing support network around me in my family and friends, I’ve managed to achieve things that I know I never could have done with him still around.

I know there will be people rolling their eyes reading this thinking ‘You’re lucky that you still got a Dad’ well, technically I do and I don’t. He’s out there somewhere, god knows where, but I’ve chosen not to speak to him again, I do want answers from him about so many things but I know I won’t get them, which I have had to make peace with. But would I really want to know the answers? Probably not. I’m not sure I could deal with seeing him let alone talk to him and demand answers.

I genuinely don’t like to talk about my Dad too much, it flairs a pent up anger inside me which I don’t want to show.

Yes, so that’s the reason why my Dad isn’t on any of my social media pages!

I want to dedicate this post to all the people out there who won’t be celebrating Father’s Day with their dads, whether it is because you have tragically lost him, instead you can celebrate the memory of him and all the wonderful times he gave you, or if you haven’t known who your father was, i’m sure he is out there regretting his decision not to try and find out who and where you are.

But to all those who are going out to Sunday Lunch with their Dad’s on Father’s Day, have a great day!

Lucy xx

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