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9 March 2020

The Grieving Process: How It's Different For Everybody

This post is quite difficult for me to write, the feeling still feels raw. Then again, there's no better time to write it when I'm going through it myself - the grieving process.




Very recently, my Grandad passed away from cancer. Something that us as a family we're expecting for so long, but it still hurt and broke our hearts. I shed a few tears, listened to his favourite song in his memory and remembered all the fond memories I had with him. On a Friday where I was supposed to be looking forward to the weekend, I found myself crying with my Mam and my Aunty over the news we had received.



The Grieving Process: How It's Different For Everybody


I went home that night and the mourning had started. The thought of going through the grieving process is not pleasant. I wouldn't wish it on anyone. It's so emotionally draining and you just can't focus on anything, even the daily tasks you always carry out routinely.





Grief effects us all differently. We all cope with loved ones passing away differently. Me personally, the day after my Grandad died, I went to work. Some may say I should have taken a day off, some may have said that going to work would have helped me take my mind off things. I agree with the latter. I went to work in the vain hope that the customers weren't going to annoy me with their silly queries that day. Saying that, it would have kept me focused changing somebody's latte because it was too milky (yep, I've seriously had this complaint before).



The Grieving Process: How It's Different For Everybody


I'm digressing. Anyway, I went to work, my mind was occupied and I got through my shift. Thankfully, my work mates made me laugh with our usual banter and that made things a little easier.




I went home that night and just sat down and it just hit me like a tonne of bricks - I will never see or speak to my Grandad ever again. The tears came and they never stopped for an hour. I was so focused on being strong for my Mam, in a way, I forgot to grieve for myself.




Like I said halfway through this post, we all have different methods in how we grieve. It's like division, we all divide number using different methods, whether it's the bus stop method or the chunking method (Google it) , our brains programme us to do things in our own unique way.




We should never tell anyone how to grieve for someone. Everyone has a different coping mechanism. Some choose to block it out and pretend it's not happening. Some cry for days on end and can't face the world. Some cry for just a day then get on with their lives. Telling someone how to grieve is like telling someone how to eat. It's not your place.


The Grieving Process: How It's Different For Everybody


I know my family will rally together in our loss. My friends will be there like the constant support they are. My work friends will make me laugh to cheer me up. My cat will sit on my lap and give me cwtches to make me feel better.




The point of this post? Do grief in your own way. Don't let others tell you how to handle the death of a loved one. The way you grieve isn't wrong in any way, it's how you've learnt to cope in this heartbreaking situation.






Lucy


30 comments:

  1. Completely agree with this and that everyone grieves in their own way, it's 7 months on for me from losing my younger sister and I still have days where it feels just as raw as the day she died and then other days where i can remember her and smile and laugh about things she would do.

    Everyone copes differently and grief never fully goes away, we just learn how to cope with it in our own ways.

    Claire || www.clairejoanne.com

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    1. I'm so sorry to hear about your younger sister Claire. I can't imagine how hard it must be for you. You're absolutely right, we just cope with grief in our own way.

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  2. My dad passed away two years ago and I couldn't agree more with this, I think grief is something that you learn to live with because it never really goes away. Thankyou for sharing, and I'm always here if you ever need someone to chat too x

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    1. Losing your Dad must have been such a difficult and heartbreaking time Kayleigh. I can't imagine what you must have gone through and what you still go through now. Thank you lovely girl x

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  3. I'm so sorry for your loss. I completely agree that everyone grieves in their own way and it takes everyone a different amount of time to deal with a loss.

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    1. Thank you, grief takes different amount of times to heal for different people.

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  4. I'm always being asked if losing someone gets any easier since I've lost so many but it's hard to answer. I can say that I do try to have more days when I can be 'normal' but I can get triggered by so many teeny things. If I watch a TV programme or see families together, it makes me think of my family and then I carry on grieving.

    You just take it a day at a time. Like you said, everyone grieves differently.

    Daisy xoxo | TheDeeWhoLived

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    1. It never gets any easier lovely. You're right, sometimes a TV show or a song can trigger some sad memories.

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  5. I am so sorry for your loss. I have been on this grieving journey for 18 months, it is one of the worst things I think we ever have to go through. But for every bad day there’s 2 good.

    Be kind to yourself. Sending love x

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    1. Thank you lovely. I'm so sorry to hear that you're currently going through the grieving process. I'm sending you love and hugs! x

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  6. Grief is a very personal thing and we all deal in our own ways ❤️ I’m very sorry for your loss

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  7. I'm so sorry for you loss Lucy! Totally agree, grief is a very personal thing, and no two people will grieve/feel the same way. Every now and then I hear certain songs or smell certain smells that completly remind me of my grandma and it hits me all over again; and she passed nearly 2 years ago!

    Keep strong lovely!

    Aimsy xoxo
    Aimsy’s Antics

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    1. Thank you Aimsy. I'm exactly the same in that a song, smell or TV programme can remind me of people I've lost in the past! x

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  8. Grieving is definitly such a personal thing and we all grieve in our own way but thanks so much for sharing this, it makes us feel a little less alone x

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    1. You're right, it is a personal thing and we all grieve in our own way! x

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  9. This was a really really interesting thing for me. I lost my grandmother at the end of January, cancer too. It only got diagnosed mid November and went downhill very quickly. Although her end was quick in that sense, she'd been ill on and off for a long time with various things for a long time and she hadn't been herself for years. I feel like I'd been mentally prepared that it could happen at any time for quite a while. When she finally went I almost wasn't sure how to process it because I'd been in that half checked out state for so long. Meanwhile it hit my dad really hard and he was struggling to understand how I was processing it so differently. Even now I'm not really sure if I've fully processed it. It's weird how it hits us all differently like that. I hope you and your family are doing well ❤ x

    Sophie
    www.glowsteady.co.uk

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    1. I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother Sophie. I think I feel like I haven't processed it either Sophie, I think it will hit me more at the funeral x

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  10. I definitely agree that grief is something that we all experience in different ways. It's lovely to read that you have such a strong support from friends, coworkers and family in what must be such a difficult time for you x

    https://www.femaleoriginal.com

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    1. Thank you Faye, I am very fortunate that I have a good support network around me x

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  11. I had a similar experience a few years ago my grandad also passed away from cancer. We knew it was going to happen because he didn’t want any treatment and was moved to a hospice but it doesn’t make it less difficult. I remember not actually crying a lot until the funeral and that’s when it all came to me but it definitely is true then they say that it does get better it just takes time x

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    1. I think that's how I'll be too Aaliyah, I struggle at the funeral x

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  12. I am so sorry for your loss... I can't image what you are going through right now. I hope you feel a bit better soon!

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  13. I'm living this currently. I lost my uncle yesterday. I grieve by staying busy and talking constantly. My mom likes quiet and self reflection. My grandparents want to be alone to grieve. My mom doesn't want to leave them alone. She hasn't admitted it but I think she just needs to be with them. It's been a roller-coaster.

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    1. I'm so sorry to hear of the loss of your uncle. Sending you lots of love at this sad time x

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  14. So sorry to hear about your Grandad Lucy. It's so important to take some time to grieve in whatever way you choose. It always feels better once you've let out all those emotions :-)
    Sarah x

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    1. Thank you Sarah, it's so important to say how you feel x

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  15. So sorry for your loss Lucy, so brave of you to share this when it's all still so raw too. Grieving absolutely has to be done however way you need to. Sending you lots of love to you and your family xxx

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    1. Thank you Amy, I really appreciate that xx

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