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2 July 2019

An Open Letter To The Man I Can't Get Over

Ok, this is probably THE most personal post I have EVER written, I am absolutely cacking myself about hitting the 'Publish' button, but I kind of want and need to, it's time for me to start the closure process. Before you begin reading, I'd make sure you've got a cuppa at hand for this one, it could be a bit of a long read. Before I start -


1) I'm not writing his name.
2) I don't want anyone to ask me what his social media handles are so they can see who it is.
3) This is like a therapeutic and cathartic post for me and I hope I can help someone who maybe going through the same thing as me. 
 
 
Right, that's the legalities/disclaimer out of the way, let's begin.
 


 

 
The amount of times I have thought about you over the years is beyond incomparable. The times I thought about what you're doing, wondering if you're ok, wondering who you're with, wondering if there was even a slightest chance you were thinking about me or even felt the same way as I did about you.
 
 
 
I'll never forget the first time I met you. We said hello and I felt a spark. I could have sat and talked to you all day. I wanted to get to know you, know what your favourite things were, your fears and dreams, get to know your personality and see if we like the same things, whether it be TV shows, films or a favourite side of the bed (now, now!).
 
 
 
Then I found myself thinking about you night and day. You liked my Insta posts and tweets on Twitter, even if they were small gestures, they meant the absolute world to me.
 

 
Weeks went by, I still thought about you. I still wondered if you ever thought about me. Then the worst scenario came true - you had met someone else. When I looked at her, I played the comparison game. I knew I wasn't as pretty as her, wasn't as smart as her and certainly not as tall or as healthy as she was! However, I knew she was making you happy, so I felt I needed to be happy for you, however much it hurt. When you love someone, you want them to be happy, no matter what the circumstance. It was killing me seeing you happy with another woman. I wanted to be the girl in those photos.
 


 
 
Then your relationship with her finished. I won't lie, I let out a little cheer when it became evident that you two had finished, I never liked her anyway, she seemed like a stuck up cow!  
 
 
 
Now I've found out that you're possibly seeing someone else. It's made me realise that I don't have the mental strength to go through this anymore. I have had you on my mind for years now and I think it's finally time to stop. It's time to let another man be worthy of my love, you never appreciated it and I realise that now. I have lied to myself all this time because I didn't want to admit that I needed to move on. I should have moved on a lot earlier than now.
 
 
 
In a way, I hate you. I hate you because I will always wonder why I wasn't good enough. Ok, maybe I don't hate you, I'm just done. I wish to God you took notice, maybe I didn't shout loudly enough. I'm sorry if I ever felt like a pest to you over these years, maybe people will judge me for feeling the need to apologise, but I'll feel guilty if I don't!
 
 
 
One thing I have learnt from this, is that the worst pain is loving someone who doesn't love you back. It effing kills, I can't go through this agonising pain again. Should I have let myself go down this path with you all those years ago? That's very debatable. I think the one thing that has scared me is how easily I led myself down this path. I should have been strong enough to withhold myself from doing that.
 
 
 
But I want to thank you. Whenever I felt down, having you on my mind put a smile on my face, even if it was just for a second. I'd scroll through your Insta and smile at the life you have made for yourself. Thinking about you made me feel like the world was a better place. You'll always own a little piece of my heart, you did have an impact on my life, and that'll remain the same.
 
 
 
Whether I'll physically see you ever again in the future remains to be seen. However, it's time for me to do what I have been avoiding and dreading for so long - moving on, for real this time. I won't lie, I'm frigging scared of starting the moving on process, I fear I can't do this on my own. I kind of devoted these last few years of my life to you, that realisation came to me overnight, but I won't look at that as being a waste of three years, some parts were enjoyable, some were lessons learnt.  
 
 
 
One day, you'll stop being my addiction. I wish I knew how to quit you. It's hard to give up on someone when you know he's everything you want.



You won't be a complete distant memory, but you'll be far away enough for me to finally find happiness with someone else.


An Open Letter To The Man I Can't Get Over
 
 
 
Ok, I need a big box of Kleenex tissues!
 
 
 
Lucy


16 comments:

  1. I feel like it's wrong for me to know all these you're feeling. It is just too personal. I hope you can now fully moved on, though. Hope you too will find your own happiness. It may not be now, but hopefully soon.

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    Replies
    1. I think I posted it as there is bound to be somebody out there who is going through the same emotions as me, I’ll find my happiness soon, I know I will!

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  2. Omg this is super personal. It really made me feel all the emotions.

    www.fashionradi.com

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  3. ~gives you all the tissues* I just wanted to say I think this letter was so brave. And to acknowledge the positives of his impact on your life when you're trying to get over him is even more so. But I have no doubt that you're going to find a person who will not be able to get over you, and I'm so excited for you to find him <3 I know getting over someone is hard - and it's harder when it seems like they're all you want, but you will. Besides, new love stories are always so exciting!

    Anne // www.basifpa-and-did.co.uk

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    Replies
    1. Thank you so much Anne! My next love story will be an exciting one I hope! x

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  4. How personal dear!!! I still loved reading this and I can feel deeply identified with many of the things you wrote. I wish you the best in your next big love story ♥ one where you finally get what you deserve!

    Flor | http://flordeblog.com

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  5. Thank you so much for sharing Lucy, it must have taken so much strength to post this. I almost felt like I was reading someone's diary! Hope you're okay and wish you all the best for the future. xx
    El // Welsh Wanderer

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  6. Such a personal post but I'm so glad it was therapeutic for you! Writing down our feelings helps SO much sometimes. I feel like most of us have that one person we often think about, the one that got away so to speak. Even if we're in new, happy, relationships!

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    Replies
    1. It really was therapeutic to write Jenny, it definitely has helped the closure process along! x

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  7. I'm so sorry you felt this pain, that feeling of loving somebody who doesn't love you back is the worst. I know because I've felt that before. But you can 100% move on. Even if it takes time, you can and you will. You sometimes don't even want to think about being okay because then that means your feelings have gone for that person and that's kinda weird? But just know that you're not alone and accepting that it's time to move on is the biggest and hardest step in the process. You're so brave to share this personal post online and it definitely resonated with me and it will with many others too. I hope you're okay and best of luck for the future xx

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    Replies
    1. Thank you Sarah, it’s taken me awhile to come to this decision but I’m so glad I have, I want to be happy again! xx

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  8. Such a personal post, this must have been so hard to write! I'm really glad writing it helped you though, and I'm sure so many people reading this can relate x

    Sophie
    www.glowsteady.co.uk

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